Why you’re wide awake in bed (and what you can do about it)
Are you someone who can barely keep your eyes open on the couch at night—but the moment you get into bed, you feel wide awake? This frustrating experience is incredibly common and one I often see in clients struggling with insomnia. While it may feel confusing, there’s actually a psychological explanation behind this, and the good news is—effective treatment is available, in Charlotte or virtually.
If you’re searching for insomnia treatment or want to know more about CBT-I therapy, read on to understand what’s going on and how you can get the rest you need.
What Is Conditioned Arousal?
Let’s start with a concept from psychology called conditioned arousal. This refers to a situation where your brain begins to associate the bed and bedroom not with rest—but with wakefulness, anxiety, and even frustration.
To understand this, think of Pavlov’s famous experiment: dogs learned to associate a bell with food, eventually salivating at the bell alone. Similarly, many people with insomnia unintentionally train their brains to link the bed with tossing, turning, or lying awake, rather than sleep.
So while your friend may fall asleep the moment their head hits the pillow, your bed has become a signal for alertness instead of relaxation.
Why Can’t I Fall Asleep in My Own Bed?
If you regularly watch TV or scroll on your phone in bed, or if you often lie awake feeling frustrated, your brain is learning that the bed is a place for activity or stress—not rest. Over time, this becomes a learned association, making it harder and harder to fall asleep, even if you're physically exhausted.
This cycle reinforces itself, increasing anxiety around sleep and making nights feel like a battle.
How Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Insomnia (CBT-I) Can Help
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Insomnia (CBT-I) is the most effective, evidence-based treatment for chronic sleep issues. It helps reverse conditioned arousal and rebuilds a healthy connection between your bed and sleep.
CBT-I focuses on changing both your behavior and your thought patterns around sleep. One key component is something called stimulus control.
Key Stimulus Control Techniques:
🕐 Go to bed only when you're sleepy, not just because it's "bedtime"
🛏️ Use your bed only for sleep and intimacy (no phones, TV, or work)
⏳ If you can't sleep after 20 minutes, get out of bed and do something relaxing in dim light until you feel drowsy again
These strategies help retrain your brain to associate bed with rest and calmness.
CBT-I: More Than Just Sleep Tips
CBT-I isn’t just about behavior change—it’s a comprehensive therapy designed to address all the factors that can contribute to chronic insomnia. In addition to stimulus control, CBT-I may include:
🧠 Cognitive restructuring to challenge unhelpful thoughts like “I’ll never fall asleep”
🔁 Sleep efficiency training (sometimes called sleep restriction therapy)
💡 Sleep education to better understand your natural sleep cycles
😰 Reducing hyperarousal caused by stress, anxiety, or overthinking at night
⚖️ Addressing co-occurring issues such as depression, anxiety, or chronic pain that may impact sleep
Ready to Sleep Better?
If you’re tired of dreading bedtime and want to get back to sleeping peacefully, CBT-I therapy can help. As a licensed psychologist, I specialize in working with clients who are struggling with insomnia, difficulty falling asleep, or staying asleep.
I offer evidence-based insomnia treatment in a warm, supportive environment—either in-person in Charlotte, or via telehealth (depending on your location).
📞 Contact me today to schedule a consultation and start sleeping better—naturally and without medication.
