Coping with a Breakup or Divorce: How to Heal and Move Forward
By Dr. Devon Redmond
Going through a breakup or divorce is one of life’s most painful experiences. It can shake your sense of identity, disrupt your routines, and leave you wondering how to move forward.
Whether your relationship lasted months or decades, the emotional pain is real, and so is your ability to heal. Drawing from the work of respected relationship and mental health experts, here are five key strategies to help you cope with heartbreak and begin your recovery.
1. Acknowledge the Depth of Your Pain
As psychologist Guy Winch explains in How to Fix a Broken Heart, heartbreak is a serious emotional wound, not something you can simply, “get over.” Suppressing grief can delay healing, while accepting your feelings is the first step toward recovery.
Tip: Give yourself permission to grieve. Talk to a trusted friend, therapist, or counselor who understands the intensity of your loss.
2. Allow Yourself to Feel Your Emotions Fully
Susan Piver, in The Wisdom of a Broken Heart, reminds us that difficult emotions can be teachers. Sadness, anger, and fear can feel overwhelming, but turning toward them, rather than avoiding them, can lead to personal growth and deeper self-understanding.
Practical tools: Mindfulness meditation, journaling, or therapy sessions can help you process your emotions in a safe, compassionate way.
3. Create New Routines After a Breakup or Divorce
In The Divorce Recovery Workbook, Mark Rye and Crystal Dea Moore highlight how important structure is during emotional recovery. The loss of a partner often disrupts daily life and can leave you feeling unmoored.
Small steps: Commit to consistent meals, gentle exercise, and time outdoors. Schedule social time with friends or family. Explore new hobbies that bring you joy.
4. Practice Forgiveness to Lighten Your Emotional Load
Archbishop Desmond Tutu’s The Book of Forgiving outlines a four-step path: telling your story, naming the hurt, granting forgiveness, and either renewing or releasing the relationship.
Forgiveness isn’t about excusing harmful behavior, it’s about freeing yourself from anger and resentment. This applies not only to your ex-partner but also to yourself.
5. See the Ending as a Beginning
John Kim’s Break Up on Purpose reframes the end of a relationship as a chance for self-discovery. While heartbreak hurts, it can also clarify your values, needs, and relationship goals.
Mindset shift: Instead of asking “Why did this happen to me?” try asking “What can I learn from this to create a healthier future?”
Frequently Asked Questions About Healing After a Breakup or Divorce
How long does it take to get over a breakup?
There’s no single timeline. For some, healing may take months; for others, it can take a year or more. Factors like the length of the relationship, the circumstances of the breakup, and your coping strategies all play a role.
Is it normal to still miss my ex after months?
Yes. Missing your ex, even long after the relationship ended, doesn’t mean you made the wrong decision. It’s a natural part of the grieving process.
Should I see a therapist after divorce or heartbreak?
If you’re struggling to function at work, in relationships, or in your daily life (or if you simply want a safe space to process your feelings), therapy can be very helpful.
What are healthy ways to cope with a breakup?
Healthy coping strategies include talking to supportive friends or family, engaging in regular exercise, maintaining a consistent sleep schedule, practicing mindfulness, and seeking professional counseling if needed.
How do I know if I’m ready to date again?
You may be ready to date again when you feel emotionally stable, have learned from your past relationship, and are looking for companionship rather than a way to fill a void.
Healing Is a Journey, And You Don’t Have to Walk It Alone
Recovering from a breakup or divorce takes time, patience, and self-compassion. With the right support, you can rebuild your confidence and create a life that reflects who you are now.
If you’re coping with heartbreak and need professional guidance, therapy can help you process your emotions, navigate major life changes, and build resilience. Our practice offers compassionate, evidence-based support for people healing after a breakup or divorce- let's talk.
